Shop at Kohl's or I'll knee you in the balls
Did you see the line of sweaters that came out this fall ?
The prices are adequate, the store is clean
The ladies who work there all look like Charlie Sheen
Shopping at Kohl's will make you shit your drawers
But don't worry you can buy some, on sale in aisle four
Some like the Max, some don't shop at all
You best shop at Kohl's or I'll knee you in the balls
S.D.J. would shop there if he were alive
The store's so great you can see with one eye
Heavy metal hookers all shop at Kohl's
So do both of the Clintons and all of the Doles
Try to see it my way, can you do no less?
Kohl's cold cocked Mr. Bradlee , buttfucked Sir Hess
Only you can stop forest fires
And only Kohl's suits the needs of all buyers
Jim Henson died of a bacterial infection
And Kohl's has a good winter selection
Downtown stores are for yuppie dicks
Kohl's is the place to meet one-armed chicks
Army Navy smells like hunter's pee
Kohl's is the place, the place for me!
Some suckers like booze
Some smoke lots of bowls
You know what I do?
I shop at Kohl's
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