Every time I try to put on a shirt
It gets all itchy and it starts to hurt
My turtle neck has gotta be extra large
Because my nipples are always wicked hard
A cop pulled me over for being unsafe
I tried to explain, I tried to plead my case
I can't wear a seatbelt when I'm in my car
'cuz my nipples are always too damn hard
When I tell you this shit, you might think I'm lying
But when it gets cold my tits are harder than diamonds
I can take a piece of glass and cut it to shards
Because my nipples are always wicked hard
People come up to me and say "hey, MAXXX"
You look like a chick with that big old rack
I say, "hey dude, that really hurts my heart"
I can't help it that my nipples are wicked hard
I went down to the comic book store
To read some shit and not be bored
My favorite hero is "The Thing" by far
'cuz his nipples are always wicked hard
Last week I went to the Star Trek convention
Didn't win the costume contest, got an honorable mention
The judge thought my nipples were Jean-Luc Picard
Because my nipples are always wicked hard
My nipples are harder than Johnny Five's
He was born just a robot but he came alive
"Who's Johnny?" she said, by El Debarge
My nipples are always wicked hard