Max to the minimum, minimum max
Get out the booze, put on your party hats
Cuz it's time to get naughty with MC Kohlz
I'm so underground I live with the trolls
But I'm coming up just like a geyser
Rhymes so smart they'll leave you wiser
You'll learn things that you didn't know
Such as that the capital of Japan is Tokyo.
I got more rhymes than Robert Frost
And like Tony Danza I'm the boss
But Danza can't hand ya the stanzas I hand ya
My beats are fat like George Kastanza.
Yo I'm the king of rock 'n' roll
(You're the king of rock 'n' roll)
Yo MC Kohlz is a jolly old soul.
[chorus]
MC Kohlz is a jolly old soul, a jolly old soul indeed
MC Kohlz is a jolly old soul, a jolly old soul (that's me)
Some people say "yo Kohlz, how'd you get so rad?"
So let me tell you a story about when I was a lad
I was conceived on the back of a pinball machine
My dad was 47 my mom was 13
I've had the rhythm in me since before I was born
I've also had a strange love of porn
As a little MC I wasn't much for school
I spent my nights rapping, days I worked at the pool
I'd spend all day giving CPR and by the age of 6 I drove a sports car
One day a beauty, a real fine cutie
Was swimming in the pool with a big old booty
I dropped my suit, when in hot pursuit
And a few minutes later I gave her the toot
I cut my first record the very next day
It went to the top of the charts in Paraguay
They all called me "el Mc Kohlz-o"
They gave me their hearts, they gave me their souls-o
But I never stopped rapping, it's all I know.
[Yo MC Kohlz, you a jolly old soul]
[chorus]