Yo ladies (aww yeah) Do you find me attractive? Perhaps not.
Perhaps you are turned off by my freakishly hairy right arm.
Perhaps you have noticed my sub-par flossing techniques
And the long-term effects it has left on my gums.
Perhaps you would not consider getting close to me
Unless you were wearing some sort of suit of armor
You stole from the Renaissance Faire.
We can get real freaky and not take off our clothes
We can make sweet love through your pantyhose
Yeah we can have the sex it'll be real neat-o
We can dry hump, I'll leave on my tuxedo.
Maybe you dry humped in your dad's garage
That it wasn't it, that was just a mirage
Dry humping's a fine art like playing classical guitar
I'm the Segovia of dry humping, better than Return of Jafar ([Return of Jafar)
Dry humping with me will blow your feeble mind
I'll dry hump you so good you'll scream out "PORK RINDS."
Dry humping can be better than shopping at Kohl's
Cuz you don't gotta see me naked, you don't gotta see my rolls
If dry humping were a crime, I'd me Charles Manson
Mm-bop ya all night like I was in Hanson
Remember that earth quake in 1994?
That wasn't tectonic plates, that was me and some whore
We dry humped so hard it shook the earth
It might've been me, it might've been her girth
I'll take you out to Shoney's for hash browns and a Coke
Then we'll dry hump, baby, that ain't no joke.
Dry humping to me is like golf to Tiger Woods
By that I mean, I'm very very good
We'll be up all night having tons of fun
And there won't even be a hole in one.
Yo lady, have you yet become convinced of my dry humping capabilities?
Perhaps if I show you my trophy case with my myriad of trophies, all bearing
the engraving: Dry Hump Champion, Tri-state Area ...